I walked in and was surrounded by concrete. The floor, the walls, the ceiling were all concrete, and had been painted red. The seats were red vinyl and the curtains were black with silver sequins. The blonde-haired DJ thumbed through his records, taking out a few and inspecting them closely.

Someone said something to me in German. “Ah..uh…bitte, Ich keine sprech deutsch” (I know I have terrible spelling…) “Oh, English” he replied, “You look like the Queen of Outer Space.”

Not sure what it was supposed to mean, I gave him a confused and quizzical look. He looked back, smiled, and pointed to a poster on the wall—it was a picture of a woman, scantily clad, shooting some sort of laser gun. At second glance, it was true! I bore a striking resemblance to the Queen of Outer Space, well, except that I wasn’t wearing a small fur bikini and calf high fur boots. Maybe I have a future as the heroine of B-list sci-fi movies. I suppose if all this media art stuff doesn’t work out, I’ve always got something to fall back on. I’ll have to learn how to handle a laser gun first though…

Well, Berlin, Berlin. You have so many secrets, so many hidden passageways, so much to offer. Where to even begin?

Three days come and gone! I just saw a three-hour documentary about nothing in particular. It was actually quite good. I also got a funky haircut and dyed my hair—it’s a tri-color look—red, orange, and blonde.

Berlin is quite a city—I’m sitting in a bar/café now, Astro. It has an industrial/space theme. On the walls there is a mixture of retro space posters, photographs of planets, and also a plethora of knobs, levers, and dials that don’t do anything in particular. Knobs and dials for the sake of knobs and dials.

Berlin is a city that doesn’t need reasons. Why not seems to be good enough. Why make a three hour documentary about nothing in particular? Why not? Why have a large, freakish exhibit called Dead Chickens? Why not? Why dye my hair colors not found in nature? Why not? I’m in Berlin, a city where no reason is necessary.

I came across this horoscope in the magazine Exberliner, and English-language magazine based in Berlin.

Virgo: During my recent visit to the Burning Man Festival in the Nevada Desert, I drank in an abundant array of confounding sights and enriching adventures that I’ll remember forever. The last surprise I saw before heading home was among the most modest, but it’s a perfect choice to serve as your ruling symbol for the coming week: a sign that read “The Very Tidy Pirates” above an image of a badass dude wearing an eye patch and apron and wielding a vacuum cleaner and feather duster. I hope this vignette inspires you to be wildly disciplined, neatly rowdy, and boisterously organized.

For some reason, I really like the last line of my horoscope. Wildly disciplined, neatly rowdy, and boisterously organized—be a badass but do it through hard work, study, and organization. Be a little bit of a mystery, don’t show all of your sides, and take Berlin for all it’s worth.